We celebrated our 25th Anniversary. What a milestone! It turned out to be a great romantic time with my best friend. In thinking about the two weeks leading up to it, things were a little scary. We were teaching a class to six married couples using the John Gottman book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work so I was feeling the challenge to not be a hypocrite but put into practice what I was telling them. However I realized that I wasn’t feeling excited about our anniversary coming. We had neglected the romantic side of our marriage for so long that the idea of a romantic over night felt forced. I felt ashamed to admit this to myself and especially to Antoine. On top of that I was feeling critical and easily irritated with Antoine. I met with a friend for lunch and shared what I was feeling. This made me feel better to finally get it out of my head. But I felt worse because I had no plan or desire to be different. The next day I read a bible study on “Being Thankful”. It hit my heart hard. Then I heard that a close friends mom died. The combination of the two softened my heart towards Antoine and I realized that I stopped being thankful for him. I was giving into contempt and taking him for granted. I thought about how time is short and he’s not guaranteed to be here for another anniversary. I decided I would make the lead up fun so on the actual day I would feel close to him emotionally. I decided to count down to our anniversary. I waited until there were seven days. Antoine joined me in counting down to our anniversary. He chose the theme of Silver Anniversary. All his gifts were silver or wrapped in silver paper.

After Day 5 we got into a huge argument and I felt discouraged to keep giving. We were distant for a day. Then Antoine and I spent some time talking and being honest with each other and that really helped. I explained that I made a plan to repent of contempt and ingratitude and when he used harsh words to start a conversation it made me feel defeated and want to quit trying on us. I felt he really listened to how I was feeling and pledged to be different. We were both trying to encourage each other and feeling a little awkward because it’s not natural for each of us yet. Despite how I felt I continued to give the gifts. Each day I thought about how much I loved Antoine and so by the over night I felt close to him emotionally. During our time away we were able to connect emotionally and be intimate. After 25 years one would think that being close should come naturally. I find the contrary to be true. What comes naturally is contempt and ingratitude. Emotional closeness and gratitude takes work.