Monthly Archives: December 2015

Perseverance! Now that’s what I need!

As this year winds down I try to remember what’s the thing for me that I want to hold onto. Where have I been found lacking over and over again? In perseverance! Now that’s what I desperately need.

I have grown this year in not doubting God. I have learned that God’s plan is the best. Even when painful. I have learned to not throw tantrums and whine about things not being fair and why me! I have begun to hold onto the truth that God is right. My thinking needs to be questioned. My understanding needs to be questioned. How I’m handling something needs to be questioned not God. He always has my best interest in mind. He works for the good even through pain.

As I grasp this fundamental truth there arises in my soul a lack of patience. I know God is right. His way is best and now I am fretting. What if I don’t live to see it. What if it doesn’t happen in my life time. I grow weary of waiting. I tire of doing the right thing. Hope deferred makes my heart sick. I find myself losing heart.

I look at things that need to change in my character, my husband’s career , and my children’s lives and I fret. When Lord! When Lord! I know you can but when. I’ve seen you do it for others. But what about for me? I pray to not quit in the last mile. I pray to persevere.

Its  been over 25 years of praying for my children and they have not accepted you. It’s been the same years praying for my siblings and family to accept you. Not yet. So many good things that I hope and dream for and the answer is, not yet. I’m ok for the short run. But in the long run. Over years and time. I grow weary.

Today I read in Psalm 37:8 not to fret it leads only to evil. So I pray. And I stand still. I fill my heart with peace that God’s timing is also the best.

Perseverance !  Now that’s what I need.  The ability to keep doing good no matter what I see or feel. Perseverance born out of a trust in Gods word. Held together by a belief in His promises.  God help me to fix my eyes on Jesus and gain faith from his reliance on you through the bleakest of times. Strengthen me for the task to press on to achieve the goal. Grant me the  perseverance to finish the race set out before me.

Keeping Gratitude in a Throwaway Culture

Discipleship and Spiritual Formation

We are in full swing! The next few weeks is going to be flood of holiday cheer and frenzied shopping as we count down to the 25th. This Sunday I was asked to preach! Wow, I was super-encourgaged by this and immediately began wondering what would I share. After a week or so of going back and forth,IMG_2718

I asked our evangelist what he thought and what our members needed. I was encouraged to consider the topic of gratitude as a focus.

The more I thought about it, it does seem gratefulness takes a back seat to either to happiness or mild despair for most of us. . Gratitude looks at what it has and is moved to greater and greater appreciation. Gratitude expresses itself by thanking the source and appreciating that source of all His blessings. Happiness alone celebrates the gift but, at times, will neglect the giver. Happiness alone gets hyped  in the middle of great circumstances but crashes when its faced with disappointment.

Gratitude leads to happiness without fail but happiness will come and go depending on our circumstances.

The holiday season will make many very happy, but then must always settle back into “normal”. The hype of opening new gifts must always give way to the monotony of cleaning up afterwards (and following recycling rules if you live in NYC). Also, for many of us,  the season is a reminder of  lost loved ones and unfulfilled dreams. Gratitude on the other hand, allows us to pause and stand in awe of the undeserved privileges we have right now,have  had in the past and will have in the future. Gratitude allows us to remember our loved ones and appreciate their influence in our lives while we look forward to spending time with loved ones here.

I found this quote by author Melody Beatty (Codependent No More) captures it powerfully;

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance,

chaos to order,

confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast,

a house into a home,

a stranger into a friend.”

Wherever you are in the spectrum of moods around this season. I want to encourage you to focus on the undeserved privileges that are all around us. This is probably the surest path to emotional well-being!

I am truly grateful for Pamela Lee and for being a dad to Tennelle Simpson and to Tony Lee for the past  25 years! God is amazing!

Family

Spend some time in Romans 5 and let this word settle into the holiday season!

Antoine

 

 

Lasting Change in 2016

It’ll be here in less than a month. It’s coming slowly but surely! No, not the Force Awakens ( I will hopefully see it after the rush!) but the New Year is almost here! The time for resolutions, examinations and fresh starts. This is partially the reason for the spike of action in January  and February, which then drops in April and May. We may start off strong and then fizzle out or we may just give up on any change at all. This tension is woven throughout my life and most of the friends and family around me. The Serenity Prayer is very true as it daily asks God for the peace that comes from accepting the things we cannot  change, power to change those things we can and  the wisdom to know the difference. It seems in these troubled times we’re all seeking this kind of wisdom. We may have some great goals in mind as we look forward to the New Year as a kick-start.

Some of us may also notice that our lives are becoming less and less functional. Some may struggle in parenting  our children (at whatever age), because as soon as we get a grip on one phase, they’ve  already moved on to another. In our marriages, we may have seen the past year reveal or continue some conflict, sin or weakness that keeps us stuck. We may personally feel that there’s some deeply buried sadness  gnawing at us that only seems to get louder and louder as we get older. Whatever it us for you, I want to offer some hope. The hope I want to highlight in this brief writing is this; God wants to heal you, before he wants to change your circumstances.

 To some this may not seem so encouraging, but I am of the conviction that the greatest wound of all  is the lie that says we are not valued or loved. We want and we fight for some outward change, but may still neglect this fundamental truth of the Gospel. If anything,  Jesus wants to communicate to us  this fact; YOU are loved. This is confirmed by his resurrection and ratified in his blood. As I read from a devotional this morning…

-Hebrews 13:20

 Now may the God of peace—

who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,

the great Shepherd of the sheep,

and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood—

may he equip you with all you need

for doing his will.

May he produce in you,e

through the power of Jesus Christ,

every good thing that is pleasing to him.

All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.

 Yes, we all want some changes and we may be avoiding other changes, but imagine God’s perspective. He first wants us to know our worth, as His shepherded people, and then he actively prepares us for our ultimate destination and goal.

    The word “equip” used here in Hebrews  means exactly that. It’s actually the same word used in Matthew 4:2, where it says the disciples were “mending” their nets. God is mending you together and completing your wholeness, whether its for the first time or after a long lapse, if we allow him to. Embracing this calling and this love  is what Christian ministry (leadership, serving, counseling, etc…) is all about.  I urge you to hold on to this truth. Seek help. Don’t settle. Don’t just keep doing what you’ve already done!

Embrace inward change as the first change of 2016.

Renewed Love

Renewed Love Valentine's Weekend
Married Couples!!! Don’t miss this event. Renewed Love – Valentine’s Weekend Retreat 2016
Feb 12, 2016 – Feb 14, 2016 · Lancaster Marriott at Penn Square, 25 South Queen Street, Lancaster, PA, US
Speakers and Presenters include:
Marcos & Amarillis Mercado, Delaware
Chris & Juanita Gissentaner, New York
Antoine & Pam Lee, New York City 
William & Tosha Archer, Virginia
Michael and Shawn Patterson, Atlanta
“How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!” – Songs of Songs 4:10 (NIV)

Silver Anniversary

Marriage

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We celebrated our 25th Anniversary. What a milestone! It turned out to be a great romantic time with my best friend. In thinking about the two weeks leading up to it, things were a little scary. We were teaching a class to six married couples using the John Gottman book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work so I was feeling the challenge to not be a hypocrite but put into practice what I was telling them. However I realized that I wasn’t feeling excited about our anniversary coming. We had neglected the romantic side of our marriage for so long that the idea of a romantic over night felt forced. I felt ashamed to admit this to myself and especially to Antoine. On top of that I was feeling critical and easily irritated with Antoine. I met with a friend for lunch and shared what I was feeling. This made me feel better to finally get it out of my head. But I felt worse because I had no plan or desire to be different. The next day I read a bible study on “Being Thankful”. It hit my heart hard. Then I heard that a close friends mom died. The combination of the two softened my heart towards Antoine and I realized that I stopped being thankful for him. I was giving into contempt and taking him for granted. I thought about how time is short and he’s not guaranteed to be here for another anniversary. I decided I would make the lead up fun so on the actual day I would feel close to him emotionally. I decided to count down to our anniversary. I waited until there were seven days. Antoine joined me in counting down to our anniversary. He chose the theme of Silver Anniversary. All his gifts were silver or wrapped in silver paper.

 

Day Pam’s Gift to Antoine Antoine’s Gift to Pam
7 Conti’s Cookies (gift wrapped) Silver #7 Helium Balloon
6 Chocolate cigars from Chocolate Place Silver Salt & Pepper shaker
5 Card with Five Characteristics I admire Silver Bar Swiss Bank
4 Candles that spell out LOVE Silver wrapped chocolate
3 Popcorn bowl with two seasoning toppers Silver picture frame
2 Starbucks Hot Chocolate On a Stick Silver rose
1 Nighty Flowers delivered to job w/silver heart balloon

 

 

After Day 5 we got into a huge argument and I felt discouraged to keep giving. We were distant for a day. Then Antoine and I spent some time talking and being honest with each other and that really helped. I explained that I made a plan to repent of contempt and ingratitude and when he used harsh words to start a conversation it made me feel defeated and want to quit trying on us. I felt he really listened to how I was feeling and pledged to be different. We were both trying to encourage each other and feeling a little awkward because it’s not natural for each of us yet. Despite how I felt I continued to give the gifts. Each day I thought about how much I loved Antoine and so by the over night I felt close to him emotionally. During our time away we were able to connect emotionally and be intimate. After 25 years one would think that being close should come naturally. I find the contrary to be true. What comes naturally is contempt and ingratitude. Emotional closeness and gratitude takes work.