Some of us may remember an old Twilight Zone episode where the lead character, a notoriously nasty criminal, died and ended up in a “heaven”, where every bet was won, every need was supplied and every attempt was successful. He felt extremely bored and complained to the “angel” about heaven’s accommodations. The angel replied to the unfortunate criminal, “Who said this was heaven?” and began a sinister laugh, as the man realized his eternal fate was sealed. It was a classic Twilight Zone where, in this case, being stuck, even in “heavenly” circumstances, is a form of hell. There’s nothing quite so deadening as being stuck. The circumstances may vary, but being stuck in a literal situation, or a relational one, is extremely frustrating. You may see what you want in life, or in this case your marriage, but simply can’t get there. You may exert effort, but end up feeling more like a hamster in a wheel than anything else. Sometimes our efforts only make us even more hopeless, because we point to them and say, “Look at what I’ve done already and nothing is working”. Satan loves stuck points and so do we, at first, because they can be safe and familiar.
Nothing seems to work and you find yourself only being able to do what you have already done, over and over again. This is where examining our stuck points can begin.
Much of what we have been experiencing in our workshop has been the process of examining stuck points and getting off the treadmills we’ve created in our marriages. We have seen God working through this as ingrained patterns are exposed and new hopes embraced. Pam and myself felt, and still feel, we definitely have a good marriage, but nevertheless we were in a holding pattern of stagnation and a lack of vulnerability. I am grateful for the growth we’ve already experienced working through the second principle of our curriculum, “Nurturing Fondness and Admiration”.
It has been one of the highlights and privileges of my faith to watch other couples begin to break free of their stuck points, take responsibility for their own personal growth and step into the freedom of rediscovering their first love. For those in the group, I want to encourage you to keep going and trust the process. For all others reading this post, please consider that sometimes its not about trying harder, its about trusting that their is hope in getting help outside of what you already know. Followers of Christ are life-long learners and He knows what we need. Sometimes it means facing truths about ourselves that may have been neglected for years, but God will come through!