As I sit here watching Pam crochet a hooded baby blanket ( a tradition for the last 10 years) I realize that we have reached the point where we have lived together as husband and wife longer than we have lived separately as singles (25 years this December)! What made the difference?
I would say it’s been three factors. A conviction that we are disciples of Christ and ultimately our love for him has been an anchor through the not so “lovey -dovey” times. Two, the support and encouragement of all the faithful friends God has placed in our lives at he right time and finally, “the discovery”.

Dr. John Gottman is presently one of the foremost researchers on what it takes to make a marriage last and has been able to predict whether or not a marriage will fail with more than 90% accuracy!
After more than 20 years of research he and his wife have distilled 7 principles that form the basis of his therapeutic approach to enhancing and healing marriages. So exactly what was his discovery? In one word; friendship.

John 15:12-15 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (NIV)

Ultimately, it is the quality of the friendship between a couple that will determine if one’s marriage will be a disaster or a joy. In thinking of my best friend for over 25 years I could not agree more. Communication, understanding our gender differences, addressing our love languages, conflict resolution, etc… are all good but it’s been the quality of our friendship that has gotten us through financial, emotional, parental and even sexual challenges. Jesus has laid this foundation for us and now science has finally begun to see it! Biblical friendship is covenantal and based on self-sacrificing love and this is what makes the difference. For followers of Christ friendship is what makes marriage a delight and forms the covenantal bond that will last a life time.

Thank’s Pam for being my best friend.

One of the greatest inventions known to man (I realize this is somewhat of an exaggeration) is the Global Positioning System. The only device that allows you the luxury of never being lost! We could be driving through some strange town in upstate New York or be in the deep south. We could be on the west coast of the U.S. or just running errands in Westchester county. As long as we have a GPS in the window we can  to where we want to be just as if we lived there for decades!

The primary reason a GPS works is that it answers the question, “Where are we?”, but this information is MEANINGLESS without answering the question, “Where do you want to go?” Of course the GPS knows our location way before our intentions are made known, but this information is useless without a goal. In other words, the GPS supplies where we are, but only we can supply where we want to be. I think that much of Continue reading “What is it you want?” Nehemiah 2:4 →