In marriage we promise each other eternal partnership. For better. For worse. For richer. For poorer. In sickness and health. And so on and so on. At the time, I was not thinking about through menopause, career change, life changes, church change, character changes and so on and so on.
I’ve had to redefine what our partnership looks like at every change in our lives. This is the work of making marriage last. It’s being in the present at all times. Its consistently looking at what’s happening to us right now? How am I feeling about it? How will I communicate how I’m feeling? What will I do to keep emotional closeness through what’s happening? I felt great about being the only one working while my husband goes to school to change careers. Our finances were ok, though at times it did get tight. I was feeling ok. So far not too much had changed. When My husband graduated in June 2015, I was elated. We celebrated with a huge party. Great! It was over. We’d done it! Then we find out, it’s not over. He has to complete more internship hours over the summer. My attitude, ok let’s do this. But now I find myself being anxious, worried and fretting over finances. I felt embarrassed to share because I thought, why fear now after three years of being faithful. It took awhile to own that I was disappointed because of the extension. I had set a time in my mind and now I had to adjust. My soul grew a little weary and tired. I felt bad. I felt I needed to be faithful for my husband but I was falling apart inside. I needed to replenish the faith for myself. I talked about what I was currently feeling and found strength to keep going in faith. Yesterday my husband finished his last day of internship. Our partnership in tact. We’ve had to have many days this summer to check in on our emotions to deal with worry and anxiety. From one day to another things are different. From one hour to another things are different. I have to force myself to look at it honestly. I have to own my feelings. I have to carve out time to stop and reflect, communicate and resolve to keep our marriage partnership emotionally close.
Monthly Archives: August 2015
Adult Children
Much has been written on raising small children, school age children and teens. Dealing with adult children however is where the need is for me and many in my age group. If God grants us longevity we will deal with our children as adults for many more years than we did with them as minors. How do we maintain emotional closeness? How do we balance when to speak and when to listen? How do we keep clear boundaries without pushing them away?
These are some of the topics we would like to talk about. What are some of your thoughts, ideas, and questions?
Life and death……
Yesterday I read a short excerpt about a couple that lived through a hurricane. They thought they were going to die. They made plans in the event of their death. Surprisingly they survived. The death threatening experience gave them a new outlook on their relationship leaving behind a deep gratitude for each other. The author of the reading asked, what day to day annoyances and problems seem trivial when placed against a backdrop of life and death? I was challenged to think about the critical thoughts about my husband that often cross my mind daily. In the face of his death they seem so trivial. I got up and washed the dishes that he placed in the sink, thankful that he was there to eat. I cleaned the table, grateful that he was able to sit and talk to me over a meal. I put away the food, grateful that he was able to sit with me afterwards and enjoy a movie. Yes, in the face of life and death I have no time to complain, only time to enjoy this day because tomorrow is not promised to me or him. John 4:13-15